|Do I look French? Seriously?|
Just by crossing the Channel, a French woman will discover that she is supposed to have some attributes that she didn't even know she had. Fighting such cliches is simply of no use -I have been trying to do it for the last 10 years, and it didn't work. At least, now, French women will be warned. So, here is the list:
1. Your French accent is sexy.
Seriously? How unfair! I happen to be brought up in France, hence the accent. I did absolutely nothing to get such an accent. I used to be able to drive trains: how sexy is it? Come on, give me a break.
2. French women are stylish.
Even if you forgot to comb your hair and are wearing your torn denim trousers that happened to be on top of the pile this morning when you woke up?
Get over it: you are stylish.
Right, no need to change my T-shirt then.
3. French women are sex goddesses with a complicated love life. This will be the cause of endless quid pro quos, with colleagues noticing that you look tired that day, and wondering whether you had a good night (wink wink).
Come on, it is not because the French president is a jerk that we French spend all nights fooling around with everything that moves. Please. I am tired because I have two young children. End of.
4. It is fine to confide in a French woman about your sex and relationship issues. Because she is French, she will understand. She will not judge you.
Well, Darling, I really don't want to know. Too much information. Got to go! Bye!
5. As you are French, I am reminding you that drinking alcohol during lunch is forbidden. You can get sacked if you do. There will be random tests.
Random test me all you want, you condescending a***, I don't drink during work. Never have. Never will.
6. Innocent face from a random guy. Then: Do I know you from somewhere?
No you don't. And let me give you a quick French lesson. Do you know how we say 'to take a rebuttal' in French? It is called 'se prendre un rateau', which literally means 'to take a rake'. And you still don't know me.
7. French women smoke.
Well, I don't.
Of Course you do: you are French.
No, I don't.
Here is a present: an ashtray. How wonderful!
Where is the bin?
8. French women don't shave their legs
Please. Of course they do.
I assure you, I used to have a French girlfriend.
Yeah right. It must have been a long time ago. Did they tell you that WW2 is over?
9. French women don't get fat.
Really? How come I didn't know. Why do I need to go to the gym then?
I really don't know how you do it.
How about you stop stuffing your face with a bacon sandwich at every possible opportunity to start with?
10. (French) women can't drive
Well, no comments. I bumped into a police car yesterday (trying to avoid a car coming towards me). I probably am the wrong person to argue on this one...That said, I duly reported the incident.